


There's Light in the Darkest Tunnels

by PaperbackTrash



Category: A Court of Thorns and Roses Series - Sarah J. Maas
Genre: F/F
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2018-02-15
Updated: 2018-02-25
Packaged: 2019-03-19 01:45:11
Rating: Not Rated
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 2
Words: 2,327
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/13694289
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/PaperbackTrash/pseuds/PaperbackTrash
Summary: Elain struggles to adapt to life after the war.





	1. Chapter 1

Elain lay sprawled out on her bed, unseeingly staring at the ornately carved ceiling of her room. This room had become the cell for her self-imposed solitary confinement; it had become her sanctuary and her prison, her saviour and her torturer. She had learned to love and loathe the space which was both decadent and suffocating. Lifting her hands up, she looked at them in disgust, as she twirled her elongated fingers she felt the nausea rise in her once more and the tears spill from her eyes. These hands were not hers and these hands had murdered. Once the war was over she thought that things would get better, that this life would get easier, she was wrong. The feel of the King of Hybern’s blood warmed her hands by night, conjuring old and new horrors in its wake. Her sleep was plagued by her remaking, his death and visions she did not want or ask for. A gift, Azriel had told her, but she knew this was no gift, it was a punishment.

This had become her routine since she had been forced into that horrific cauldron, since she had become this monster. She woke and cried, woke and cried. She hadn’t even bothered getting dressed despite the fine clothes that had been provided for her when they had moved her here. There was a time when she would have given anything, given herself, for such luxury in life, she found that the thought was far different to the reality. Her thoughts went to her fiancé across the wall, to the revulsion she saw on his face when beheld her new form, knowing if he ever laid eyes on her again it would be the same. She couldn’t disagree, she had only seen her reflection in the mirror once since being remade, she vomited as she gazed upon her sharper features and the grotesque pointed ears that jutted hideously from her head. It was Nesta they had worried for when they had been grabbed and unceremoniously shoved them into this city, but Nesta was strong, she adapted, she found something to help her, she had found _him_. Elain didn’t begrudge her sister the happiness she had found with Cassian, yet she couldn’t help but selfishly think that it was a future that was stolen from her. Nesta had lived for her when they were mortal, would have died for her. But now, now her sister had a life before her filled with love and promises and it had left Elain with nothing. It was these venomous thoughts plaguing her mind that were the cause for her voluntary isolation. Nesta still came to see her every day, to bring her food and news but when she realised Elain had stopped talking, she had stopped trying. She came in placed the food, said a few meek encouraging words and left to carry on with her life.

Elain heard the now familiar creek of the door that indicated her sister’s arrival and refused to acknowledge her presence. She listened as the tray containing her next meal was gently laid down next her head and prayed that Nesta would leave soon so she could eat in peace, but it wasn’t her sister that spoke.

“You could spend your life in here, you are being waited on three times a day and this room does have everything you could possibly need.” A chirpy female voice said.

Elain turned her tear stained face to find Mor gracefully sitting herself down in an armchair near the bed. Quickly sitting up, she wiped the tears from her bloodshot eyes with the sleeves of her nightclothes. She did not know what it was about this female, but her mere presence demanded attention.

“Or you could get up. You could start living. You could stick your finger up to the memory of the King and yell to hell with you, you took me and you changed me but you cannot have my life.”

There was a tone of defiance in her voice that peaked Elain’s interest.  When she didn’t speak Mor carried on.

“I came from a place, Elain where I had any life I dreamed of taken from me again and again and again.”

Elain looked then, truly looked, at the beautiful female sat before her, at the gentleness and truth in her brown eyes and wondered what her story was.

“What did you do?” She asked, her voice hoarse and breaking from not using it.

Mor smiled broadly. The kindness that radiated from this magnificent creature startled Elain. She remembered that Mor had always been cold to Nesta, but most people were cold to Nesta, Elain saw none of this now, just compassion.

“I walked away,”

Elain noticed hurt briefly flash in Mor’s eyes, she was surprised to feel protective over this practical stranger at the sight of her pain.

“I couldn’t change who I was and where I came from, but I could change the way lived. And my friends helped me. I can’t give you your mortal life back but I can, we can, help you adjust and live, actually live not just exist.”

Elain knew that she was telling the truth somehow, knew that Mor would help her, if she were willing to accept.

With unnatural feline grace Mor got up and swept to the door, with her hand on the knob she looked back at Elain.   
“I’m going to tell you what I told Feyre. There are going to be shit days. Days that you don’t want to exist, days where you don’t want this life. But if you leave this room, see the city that’s outside this house, see more than these walls and the house of wind, and live, actually live, you can have days where you can’t imagine ever wanting your mortal life back. Don’t let the hard days win.”

Elain stayed silent, assessing the boldness in these words. Could she actually ever want this? She didn’t believe it. But looking at Mor now, seeing the radiance gave her hope. Elain realised that it wasn’t her new body that repulsed her, it was her dead eyes. It was her demeanour, she had quit. She wanted everything Mor was promising, wanted happiness, she just didn’t know how.

“When you’re ready,” Mor began taking Elain’s hand in her own.

Her skin was soft, Elain marvelled at the elegance of it. Her own felt clumsy in comparison. Mor squeezed slightly as she continued.

“I will get you out of this room and show you everything this city has to offer Elain Archeron.”

Elain nodded meekly, unsure if she was ready, if she would ever be ready.

Mor gave her a dazzling smile as she walked to the door, and she was gone. Elain stared at the doorway.

She didn’t leave her room, she didn’t want to yet, but for the first time in months she decided to get dressed.


	2. Chapter 2

Lifting her head toward the sun Elain smiled to herself. How long had it been since she felt the sun on her face? Despite the unusually cold autumn day she delighted in the feel of the slight warmth. It had taken Mor weeks to finally coax her from her room, promising sights unimaginable in the mortal realm. In truth she just wanted to spend more time with the female that had become her inspiration a little more, their fleeting visits in Elain’s bedroom were no longer enough. With a vehemence she no longer knew she possessed Elain decided that she wanted to live, was grateful that the war or that wretched cauldron had not claimed her. The unfamiliar cobbled streets felt strange and exciting beneath her feet as Mor dragged her through rows upon rows of shops and cafes. Her heart pounded in her chest at the fear and newness of it all, she was overwhelmed by the vastness around her. Yet, despite her apprehension she clung to Mor’s arm as the female beamed at high fae and lesser faeries alike, greeting many by name.  She would not let fear overcome her, she would leave the past behind.  Gazing upon window displays that her human self would have been overjoyed to see, fabric stores and tea sets spanned before her, she felt somewhat empty. Elain no longer felt like she had purpose. As a human her aim was to marry and become a mother, but she wondered if she ever truly desired that or if it were expected of her. With this immortal life stretching out before her, she become aware that she did not know what she wanted from life.

Elain’s attention was snapped back to the present when Mor stopped suddenly. Before them were the most fine-looking flower arrangements Elain had ever seen.  Colours burst from the store window and her eyes darted wildly trying to take everything in. She saw her favourites, flowers she knew and loved from irises to canna lilies, and so many she didn’t have a name for. Feeling Mor’s attention on her, Elain tilted her head dragging her gaze away from the wonders before her. Her heart skipped a beat. Mor’s smile was radiant and more lovely than any flower she had ever seen. Mor took Elain’s hand, the pressure of it comforting and somehow familiar as she turned them back to look at the display again.

“Do you like it?” Mor beamed.

“Yes, I was worried that I wouldn’t. That my humanity would be lost entirely.” Elain said breathily.

“Your human life is part of you, Elain. Nobody can take it away. And I’m glad you like it.”

Elain nodded her agreement again.

In that moment Elain wasn’t sure if it was the sight of such delicate and beautiful flowers or of the female’s hands gently wrapped around her around that she had liked more. Despite her trepidations, Elain was glad she had agreed to come.

The two walked and walked until Elain was exhausted. Mor had told her all about Velaris and its history and even some of the mortal realm’s history. Longing to hear this exquisite female talk more, Elain found herself probing and questioning much to Mor’s surprise. Elain realised then that for all the help that was given to her, she had given little of herself back to Mor, to any of them. Guilt made her eyes sting as tears began to well in them. Tentatively, as if touching a flower petal Mor pressed a finger to Elain’s face wiping away a drop that had spilled over. Flushing wildly at the contact, Elain instinctively pulled her face away. Hurt flashed in Mor’s face for the briefest moment.

“I’m sorry.” Mor said pulling her hand away sharply.

Elain’s cheeks reddened deeper at the apology, she knew she was being ridiculous. Mor was her friend, and friends comfort each other. She thought. In truth she had never had a real friend before, save for her sister and that really didn’t count. Yet, she found herself thinking about the finger Mor had gently placed on her face, what it would feel like if that finger had traced the contours down her cheekbones, across her lips and wondered if she wanted more than friendship.

“Elain?”

The sound of her name on Mor’s lips sent pleasant chills down her spine. She turned her head back to Mor and found those dazzling brown eyes searching her face.

“Have I upset you?” Mor continued.

Genuine concern laced her voice.

“No. Not at all. I’m sorry. It’s just…I’m sorry.”

Elain’s voice sounded small to her. Mor looked puzzled. Trying to piece together her actions and shift in the mood, she stood staring worried slightly. Elain offered her a timid smile as more tears filled her eyes, her cheeks turned tomato red.

“Did I do something wrong?” Mor asked.

“Not at all” Elain shifted on her feet “I’m just not used to contact. Or people being nice and comforting me. Or liking people. Or Nesta not stopping me from liking people. I mean I’ve never held somebodies hand, or been on an unsupervised date. Or been kissed.”

She was babbling, she knew it. Mor laughed.

“So this is a date?” she asked with an arched eyebrow.

“No, no, I know we’re friends and you’re showing me around and…”

Mor placed her lips against Elain’s. The softness of it threatened to destroy her. Mor pulled away and Elain felt the whisper of her mouth against hers.

“Now you’ve been kissed.” Mor laughed.

Elain’s cheeks felt like fire. Raising her hand, Mor caressed the heated skin, her chilled hands a blessed reprieve.

“That’s a very human reaction, Elain Archeron.” Mor winked.

Elain leaned into the hand placed on her cheek, her golden blonde hair fell around them and with her free hand Mor swept it behind her pointed ears. Elain’s heart thundered in her chest. She imagined that hand again, imagined it sliding to the back of her neck, pulling her closer.

Both of their eyes widened as Elain became aware of her own scent. Embarrassment flooded through her and she realised Mor knew exactly what was prompting this shift in her mood. Mor’s face softened as she took Elain in, blotched red cheeks, eyes larger than a deer’s.

“Would you like me to kiss you again?” Mor asked, her voice turning sultry.

Elain gulped but nodded, leaning in slightly watching as Mor’s full lips came closer.

Elain gasped slightly at the intense longing that took her when Mor’s mouth clashed against her own. Their first kiss had been a fleeting brush, but this was heated and powerful. Mor’s hands entwined in her hair, pulling gently to tilt her head up toward her own. Feeling Mor’s tongue graze against her lip Elain shuddered. She felt Mor smile before she slowly pulled away. Breathless and glorious and so Mor. They stood, foreheads touching as their breath mingled. And for the first time since being made, Elain was truly happy.


End file.
